Helicopter parent, as defined by Webster: “A parent who is overly involved in the life of his or her child.”
I would imagine that most parents have, at times, been guilty of being helicopter parents. After all, it is our obligation as parents to help our children when we see them struggling. It’s not natural for most of us to stop to assess whether or not we should step in, or if instead, we should allow them to endure certain hardships for the sake of learning lessons – lessons like coping with stress, taking responsibility for their own problems, and coming up with ways to solve those problems without relying on someone to do it for them.
Reflecting on my own parenting, I recall one particular example of when I was in full helicopter parent mode without even realizing it. I wanted my son to learn to love fishing as I do, so I tried to create the most positive and fun experience possible. I concluded that if it was hard, or if he had to struggle, it wouldn’t be fun for him, and therefore, he wouldn’t learn to like it. From a young age, when I took him fishing, anytime I noticed he was struggling with something like putting a worm on a hook, taking a fish off of a hook, tying or untangling his fishing line, I stepped in and took care of the problem for him. One day the realization hit me that he was old enough to do these things himself but he seemed incapable of doing them, and even expected me to do them for him. Thankfully, I didn’t do this with everything in his life. If I had, my son would likely not be prepared to solve and cope with the inevitable adversities of life.
College is a transformational time in a student’s life. It is a time when students solidify their identity, values, and purpose. They not only grow intellectually, but also spiritually and emotionally. It is that final developmental launching pad into becoming an independent, successful adult. Although this time is filled with so many wonderful experiences, there are challenges and adversities that every student must face along the way. Challenges include the rigors of academics, learning to manage one’s personal schedule for studying, sleeping, eating, socializing, working, athletics, etc., ethical decisions, dealing with interpersonal conflicts with roommates, professors and friends, and financial management, to name a few.
Personally, I know that I could have done a better job of preparing my children for these challenges. The good news is, their time of development isn’t over and we, as parents, can still play a vital role in their lives, not always rescuing them or solving their problems, but helping them learn to take responsibility for themselves, helping them learn to solve their own problems and/or helping them find the right resources at the university.
As parents, we may be tempted to bait their hook, take the fish off the hook and untangle their line, but it’s time they learn to fish. We can pray for them, encourage them at every opportunity, reaffirm our unconditional love for them, and point them to God’s Word. Those are tremendously powerful ways we as parents can still impact them. It may be hard at times to see them struggle, to hear about their problems and complaints, and maybe even to hear them cry. But as they continue to learn to conquer their challenges, they will become stronger and more equipped for the road ahead.
